Things are shit and I need some advice. At the moment I throw up daily and eat thousands and thousands of calories. Today for instance I ate a 375g box of cheerios, two cinnamon swirl pastries, a big bag of onion ring crisps, a 200g bar of chocolate, 8 pancakes, pizza, chips, garlic bread. That was hard for me to write. Not something I could ever admit to in the real world. I have an exam on Monday that I haven't started revising for because my days are filled with stuffing my face and vomiting.
A week on Saturday I go home for almost four long months of summer, most of which I am trying to fill up with going places and visiting people, but a lot of which I'll spend at home where there is no way I can go on like this. Before last summer I had so much freedom to buy food, eat what I liked and throw up in peace but when I finished school my parents found out and I put a lot of effort in to get better before I went off to uni. But now I feel I am a hundred times worse than I was and I don't know if I can just stop when I get home.
So advice: how do I actually stop?? Tips on how I can just get my mind to just behave would be great.
Anna
Wow... that's.. a lot of stuff to try and handle sweetheart :/ I'm so sorry
ReplyDeleteHm, how to actually stop lol well if I had that answer I probably wouldn't be bad myself either XD
Hmm, but what seriously helps- whenever you feel a binge coming on- run.
Literally
I run out of the house and run till I reach a trail or just run around the neighborhood. It's something I actually took from one of my past therapist. She said that my bulimia is an actual person inside my head (Mia) and that when she starts talking to me instead of trying to reason with her or argue or beg. I should just "Fuck it" ( my therapist words lol) and run the hell away from her.
Run till she leaves. Then test going back home and see what it's like being around food. If the feeling comes back- run again :)
I hope this helps some lovely <3 <3
Keep us posted for how your exam goes and how settling back home goes
<e
I remember those days and it's a very hard habit to break. There were days when I'd eat, puke, eat, puke, over and over again 20 times a day. It got to the point where I'd throw up something as little as a cracker or as large as 10 bowls of cereal & other carbs.
ReplyDeleteI knew I couldn't go on that way! For awhile I had it in my head that leaning towards my anorexic tendacies were more healthy then the bulimic ones. In a way it's true, but I always gained back everything I lost.
So, for the past 5 years or so the only way I diet is by doing Dr. Atkins. I eat salads, hot dogs, cheese, nuts, etc.
The 1st few days without carbs are hard, but when you see how fast the weight disappears, it overcomes the cravings. I have NO urge to eat carbs, therefore, no urge to vomit them up.
I still slip about once a year and throw up when I eat something I'm not supposed to, and feel guilty. But for the most part, Dr. Atkins works for me.
Eating that large amount of food is so very bad for you and I hope you can figure out what works for you. Bulimia sounds like the perfect solution for weight loss in the beginning, then becomes it's own evil entity. I seriously thought I'd be throwing up until the day I died.
((hugs)) It takes a lot of willpower and determination to get rid of bulimia. Trust me, you don't want all the health issues I have now that I'm older.
You can do this. One day at a time.